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No Breathing In Class-002:57

No Breathing In Class-0

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Michael holding his breath. (cropped)

No Breathing In Class, also known as Strict, is a poem by Michael Rosen. It's from his book "The Hypnotiser".

PlotEdit

Michael explains how he survived in a school that didn't allow kids to breathe. He explains how the weak ones just used to keel over and die and "at the beginning of the week there were 48 kids and at the end there were 5 kids left and used to step on the dead bodies just to get out."

So, the other kids used to snatch breaths under the desk lid. But those who slammed the desk lid by mistake used to go to school prison and there they would be strung up from the wallbars for long periods of time. So the strategy was to not slam the desk lids so that they could survive.

Use in YouTube PoopsEdit

No Breathing in Class is possibly one of the most popular of Michael Rosen's poems (by both YTPers and non-YTPers alike), as it seems to be one of the most quoted.

It goes without saying that his teacher is a psychopath, which possibly could have inspired Michael (his YTP counterpart... Don't sue me) to do all his heinous acts against people in YouTube Poops.

A famous word in the poem is snatch which in the YTP context means vagina.

If you have seen enough poops you will no doubt know every word of this poem by memory without actually watching the original video itself.

Transcript Edit

Disclaimer: This is a transcript of the video of Michael performing the poem, not a transcript from the book itself.

Strict.

We had a teacher who was so strict, you weren't allowed to breathe in her lessons. She used to stand out the front going "NOOOOOOO BREATHING!!". And you had the whole morning to get through, Takes deep breath and holds.

The weak ones just used to keel over and die, you'd here them going down behind you, imitates sound of children falling. And there was always a whiny kid going "Miss! Can I go out and do some breathing?" and she'd say "No you've got all playtime to do it!" and "Oh, go on Miss, oh go on!". D'you know at the beginning of the week there were 48 kids in my class, at the end of the week there were only 5 of them left. Yeah, d'you know at the end of the day you'd be stepping over kids just to get out of the room. Gasp Oh no! There's Melanie. That's a shame, she was really nice. There's Dave. Heh heh. Hard luck Dave, always knew you were a bit weak.

D'you know people say to me "If that's true, how come you're here to tell the tale?". Fair enough and I'll tell you. It's because, when I was at school, we used to sit at desks. We didn't sit 'round tables like you do now, we used to sit at desks, with lids. And some of us figured out, what you had to do, was snatch a quick breath under the desk lid when she wasn't looking. So once more from the beginning. "Nooooooo Breathing!". Takes deep breath and holds. The weak ones, imitates sound of children falling. The whiny ones, "Miss! Can I go out and do some breathing?", "No, you've got all playtime to do it" and "Oh, go on Miss, oh go on!". Us lot, Holds breath, pretends to lift up desk lid, puts head underneath, pants a bit, takes head out, slams desk shut.

AUGH!! That was a mistake, slamming the desk lid down. If you made a noise with the desk lid it was, "Out! School Prison!". There was a school prison underneath the school hall where they used to string you up from the wallbars. Holds hands up, as if hanging to the wall by some chains. "Miss! I've been up here for 3 weeks! And there's rats! And they're nibblin' my toenails!" So I figured it out, what you had to do was put your thumb 'round the edge of the desk lid, so when it went down, it didn't make any noise at all.

Once more, from the beginning. "Nooooooo Breathing!". Takes deep breath and holds. The weak ones, imitates sound of children falling. The whiny ones, "Miss! Can I go out and do some breathing?", "No, you've got all playtime to do it" and "Oh, go on Miss, oh go on!". These other kids, Holds breath, pretends to lift up desk lid, puts head underneath, pants a bit, takes head out, slams desk shut. "Out! School Prison!". Holds hands up, as if hanging to the wall by some chains. "Miss! I've been up here for 3 weeks and there's, rats, and there nibbling, my toenails, Miss!". Me , thumb 'round the edge of the desk, Holds breath, pretends to lift up desk lid, puts head underneath, pants a bit, takes head out, puts thumb around the edge of the "desk" and closes it quietly. No noise at all. Survival.

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