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No Breathing In Class-0

No Breathing In Class-0

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Michael holding his breath. (cropped)

No Breathing In Class, also known as Strict, is a poem by Michael Rosen, from his book The Hypnotiser.

Use in YouTube PoopsEdit

No Breathing in Class is possibly one of the most popular of Michael Rosen's poems (by both Poopers and non-Poopers alike), as it seems to be one of the most quoted.

No Breathing In Class is Michael Rosen's second most popular video on his channel, ranking at almost 6 and a half million views (behind Hot Food, at 12 million views and counting).

It goes without saying that his teacher is obviously a psychopathic dictator, which possibly could have inspired Michael to do all his heinous acts against people in YouTube Poops.

A famous word in the poem is "snatch," which in YouTube Poops is slang for "vagina." It is commonly followed by something referencing it to sexual favors. More often than not, video and audio effects will be added to distort the clip, whilst also referencing "snatch" as old and unpopular.

If you have seen enough poops, you will no doubt know every word of this poem by memory without actually watching the original video itself.

Transcript Edit

NOTE: This is a transcript of the video of Michael performing the poem, not the transcript from the book itself.

Strict.

We had a teacher who was so strict, you weren't allowed to breathe in her lessons. She used to stand out the front going "No breathing!" And you had the whole morning to get through. [Takes deep breath and holds]

The weak ones just used to keel over and die. You'd hear them going down behind you. Ka-bum, ka-bum, ka-bum. And there was always a whiny kid going "Miss, can I go out and do some breathing?" and she'd say "No, you've got all playtime to do it!" and "Oh, go on Miss, oh go on!" D'you know at the beginning of the week there were forty eight kids in my class, and at the end of the week there were only five of them left. Yeah, d'you know at the end of the day you'd be stepping over kids just to get out of the room. [looks down] Oh no! There's Melanie! That's a shame, she was really nice. There's Dave. [chuckle]. Hard luck Dave, always knew you were a bit weak.

D'you know people say to me "If that's true, how come you're here to tell the tale?". Fair enough and I'll tell you. It's because, when I was at school, we used to sit at desks. We didn't sit 'round tables like you do now, we used to sit at desks, with lids. And some of us figured out, what you had to do... was snatch a quick breath under the desk lid when she wasn't looking. So once more from the beginning. "No breathing!" [Takes deep breath and holds] The weak ones, Ka-bum, ka-bum, ka-bum. The whiny ones, "Miss, can I go out and do some breathing?" "No, you've got all playtime to do it!" and "Oh, go on Miss, oh go on!" Us lot, [Holds breath, pretends to lift up desk lid, puts head underneath, pants a bit, takes head out, and slams desk shut]

Ahh! That was the mistake; slamming the desk lid down! If you made a noise with the desk, lid it was... "Out! School Prison!" There was a school prison underneath the school hall where they used to string you up from the wall bars. [Holds hands up, as if hanging to the wall by some chains] FWOP! "Miss, I've been up here for 3 weeks! And there's rats... and they're nibblin' my toenails!" So I figured it out, what you had to do was put your thumb 'round the edge of the desk lid, so when it went down, it didn't make any noise at all.

Once more, from the beginning. "No breathing!". [Takes deep breath and holds] The weak ones, Ka-bum, ka-bum, ka-bum. The whiny ones, "Miss, can I go out and do some breathing?" "No, you've got all playtime to do it!" and "Oh, go on Miss, oh go on!". These other kids, [Holds breath, pretends to lift up desk lid, puts head underneath, pants a bit, takes head out, slams desk shut] "Out! School Prison!". [Holds hands up, as if hanging to the wall by some chains] FWOP! "Miss, I've been up here for 3 weeks, and there's... rats! And there nibbling... my toenails, Miss!". Me , thumb 'round the edge of the desk, [Holds breath, pretends to lift up desk lid, puts head underneath, pants a bit, takes head out, puts thumb around the edge of the "desk" and closes it quietly] No noise at all. Survival!