"The Hypnotiser" is a poem written by Michael Rosen. It is from the book of the same name, "The Hypnotiser".
The poem is about a boy called Richard who claimed to be able to hypnotise people. Michael and others don't believe him, but Richard says that he can prove it.
At Playtime, Richard asks people if they want to be hypnotised. A boy called Trevor obliges. Richard makes Trevor lie on the ground on his back and then Richard takes a gold ring out of his pocket and carefully puts it between Trevor's eyes. Richard is said to have took out a conker, on the end of a string, out of his pocket. He then swings the conker from side to side in front of Trevor's eyes. It is said that Richard started chanting in a "spooky voice" by saying: "watch the conker, watch the conker, go to sleep, go to sleep".
Apparently, he did this for an extended piece of time. Michael wonders "if it's working". Richard says that Trevor was hypnotised. However, the "going-in bell" rang and then Trevor stands up. The crowd ask him if he was really asleep and if he was hypnotised. Trevor then says that he only got a headache.
The crowd never forgot that moment and whenever they saw Richard they would tell someone that he can "hypnotise" people. Richard feels proud but says that he isn't that good at it, but thanks them for their generosity.
Once, a boy called Richard came to school and said "I can hypnotise people"; So we said "yeah, yeah, I bet you can't" so he said "okay, playtime."
So at playtime, we all went to the playground and he said "right, who wants a go?" so Trevor said "yeah, me". So this boy Richard made Trevor lie on the ground on his back and he took this gold ring out of his pocket and he put it very carefully between Trevor's eyes, on the bridge of his nose. Then, Richard took this conker out of his pocket, it was on the end of a string, and he starts swinging the conker to and fro infront of Trevor's eyes and he starts up talking in this spooky voice; "watch the conker, watch the conker, go to sleep, go to sleep. Watch the conker, watch the conker, go to sleep, go to sleep". And it went on for ages, and we're all crowding around dead quiet watching Trevor listening to Richard going "go to sleep, go to sleep". "Is it working"? we said. "Is he going to sleep"? He's hypnotised. Blimey! Suddenly, the going in bell went BOING BOING. At that, Trevor goes and stands up, he just stands up! Ha! Dusts himself down, so we all went crowding around going "were you asleep? You-you were asleep weren't you Trevor? Hey were you hypnotised"? And he looks at us, all fed up, and he says, only thing that happened was I got a rotten headache". After that we used to go around telling people; "you see that bloke over there, him, Richard? He's brilliant! He can hypnotise people; he's a hypnotiser, you know". Richard would hear us saying all of this and he'd go "huh, huh, you all come off it, i'm-i'm not that good-I'm not that good at it. huh, heheheh, huh".
Use in PoopsEdit
- "Hypnotiser" is generally changed to something controversial like "drug dealer"
- The poem is edited to something like "about a boy who could rape"